imperfect satisfaction.

The first time he did this to me. He seemed down and low and he did not even care. I knew something was going wrong but he just don't want to tell me. Now I know how it feels when I refused to tell him stuff. He did not even say a word after that. We just slept without looking at each other. I felt the distance. Did I do anything wrong? or did he just want to leave me but can't say it out? Could someone tell me what is going on? Please.


Hersey

w h o r e ?

Eventually my bestfriends think I am like a whore. Do I really look like one to them? Probably too much acting tough in front of them. I am a person who gets offended easily but I do not show. That's me. &hell yeah, I don't feel good at all after listening to that.

hersey

day of a-lot-of-confusions.

I am so confused between what is sacrifice and what is not. I mean why must people sacrifice for what they love. Well apparently I did sacrifice a lot for my new relationship but seems like my lovely King did not see much.

I was thinking if a man would mind having a Gf like me. I mean, the not so perfect. Physically. Indeed, there are something that I find I do not like about him but when he asked me about it, I just said nothing. I have no fucking idea why I just can't tell him. Hmphh.. But he did tell me a lot about stuff he would actually mind about me.

What can I do to change then? It's just me o___Oweird.

I do not wanna mention parts that I hate the most. I'll just sum things up and will say, I am feeling unsure towards this relationship already due to the things we did, are doing, going to do :(


Hersey

I don't know much. I felt like I'm another person now. I don't talk much no more. Iam more secretive. I used to be a secret revealer though.
Indeed, human changes. due to the people around them as well as the things evolved. Is this a good thing? or no? Some say they prefer the old XiangTing not the Renn right now. Well, I just do thing that I feel comfortable with. and yeah, guess I am who I am bahh. Hmph..
****************************************************************************************
The boyfriend part..at times I feel like we're using each other for some reason. Well, I do love him but this is not the way we should be. I can't talk stuff with him. I hide a lot of things from him. I do not want to tell him my personal stuff. I do not like to express my feelings. I just want him to feel that I am someone who loves him and likes everything he did. Well, that is not the fact. The truth is, sometimes I just felt like we're not meant for each other. We're too different though. A guy who can't sleep with me every night? I really can't. But I have to take it because this is the main condition for us to be together. What if I say no? It is not gonna change anything. It's pretty sad tho :(


Hersey

lost.
I am so lost.
I have totally no idea what are men thinking.
Probably, I should just go-fuck-myself.
I am stressed. not good.



hersey

love.madness.gaydom.free.easy.comfort.smile

Therefore, I found a new comfort zone.

hersey

c o n t r a d i c t i o n

hersey

Have you ever think of what do you like exactly?

Like your favourite song? Your favourite movie?

your favourite everything?

I mean how can a person could have this specific preference?

maybe to me it's wrong (indecisive people).

this is one of the reason why I don't have any background music here.

I don't put much stuff here.

Because I don't know what I like the most.

I try everything. everything.

and I could not figure out what do I like specifically.

Sigh.

aite,aite. forget it& yeahhh..

Day of. Satisfaction?

Probably I wasn't doing shit in the afternoon. took breakfast, lunch then started to decorate my empty room :(

Uh-huh. I went to the pet shop with mom to get some stuff for Juno and guess what.. my mom's gonna get me another poodle. BIG :D Probably I have bigger responsibility on pets now. hopefully I won't change my mind, again. lol.

My friends all know what a person I am. The girl who give up things easily. The girl who likes to try new stuff, basically everything but usually won't last long. Hmph.. I'll try :)

Finally went shopping and get some clothes for next semester. Hehe. Oh, princessD is coming back tomorrow. eheks. I'm so gay. because gonna get some pressie. lmao. and opsie I still need to go back to the mall to collect my clothes tomorrow which is gonna cost me around 300rm. Broke :S

next semester is gonna be fun. Renn's gonna dress up like how she dressed up. wheeeee. That was Jo's plan tho. Haha. But I'm trying something new :) wish me luck.

Hersey

Fear.

I fear you might have intention,

I fear people might leave each other, one day.

I fear you don't put all on me.

I fear you aren't saying all the truth.

I fear everything you do.

Just reached last night. It was good. the same old bed. but a little changes on the decor. The tv that used to be right infront of my face is gone. bahhh.. whatever. and yeah. I've gone thru some old pictures from mom's drawer. and I stole some. Hehe. I realised I was really really ugly :D I am serious. look at me when I was 13. You would chase me out from female's bathroom. seriously, I don't have anything that every typical girl has on me, my hair's like bomblast victim's hair, my skin's like I did not take shower for years. and yeah. my face is just ugly. HAHA. opsie. except for the body. I was in shape though ;) unbelievablyunbelievable. Uh-huh. so yeah. I'll be posting those shits in my next post bah. need to scan them dulu. wheeeeee.. aite aite. I got to chao.

hersey

Day Finale.
He's will be right in front of me tomorrow :)
Things will be just great.
But hmphh..
Mom wants me to go back a.s.a.p. to help my dad out
so. Yeah.
What to do. Mom's the biggest thing on earth.
lmao.
Will be back in Penang on Thursday or Friday.
Well, well, well
been busy these days.
Went Kluang with Nisha.
Had some good food back there.
Wheeeeeee.
and yeah.
found out that Juno is a man.
Thankfully, I chose him from the shop at first
:)
Fuck the vet.
She claimed that Juno has only one
TESTICLE!
fuck her.
GOT 2 LAH OK?! I CAN FEEL IT. rawr
loser.
blissful :)
happy :)
gayness :)
Horny :D:D
&i cant wait anymore



hersey

Day 26
wasn't really free yesterday :D
Well, things are going great these days.
went MOS last night.
Dato Jeffrey brought us in.
fuck this is the first time I felt like a VIP.
lol. drink for free. VIP entrance. cool.
being a Dato is not a bad thing also. haha :P
but he's fucking ham sap lol.
met some of my college mates there.
and yeah.
but one thing about the club,
it has beautiful interior and shit, but..
the management sucks.
I've never been to a club that needs body check up
they even have the censored equipment at the entrance
just like a casino
and and and, we can't smoke inside.
fuck.
That is so not MALAYSIA.
Sigh.
alright, I miss Samshine.
Hehe.
I must at least mention this once a day.
lol
peace



hersey

Day24
It's a sad morning.
and gay afternoon.
soon to be.
Samshine is bad. So so Bad. Hmph..
my forehead is still very painful.
knocked somewhere the other day.
fucktard.
Well, plan for today..
gonna bring Juno to the vet.
then gonna have lunch somewhere.
and then wait for Jeffrey to come back.
Then gonna continue our movie again tonight :D:D:D
Wheeeeeeee.


Hersey

Day23
Phewww. Samshine is not coming back on 14th sob.
he's gonna be 1or2days late.
Sigh.
Dad called this morning
was asking when am I going back?
and asked what happened to the credit card usage.
Lol.
I did not spend a lot actually.
I swiped for petrol only basically.
which means the fuel price is really killing.
Swear to god I'm not gonna drive after this.
dead.
So, probably I'll go back to Penang
after Samshine's birthday.
the date&time is killing me.
I don't know how to manage them well.
Arrgghh..
Keavie is coming back soon as well.
so, have to spend some time with my family.
Hmmpphhh..
so so so, what should I actually do?
fuck


hersey

Day22
My king is coming back in 1week time.
I am so gonna fuck him hard.
lol.
Anyways, wondering why I ain't blogging for
day20&21?
Well, I was on roadtrip.
working :D
Wheeee.
and I just quit this morning.
lol.
whatever the reason is,
I am gay :)
Gay because I am finally back in Cyber.
phew..



hersey

Day19
Days passed very fast
tremendously. Hmph.
Another one week and Samshine is back.
Well, he got stuck in the middle of the road yesterday
&we had a little dirty talk. Lol.
I miss the Little King o_o

Anyways, Juno, I passed to Darren already.
sob I'm not gonna see him for a fucking week.
I can't really get to sleep last night without him.
wish me luck in JB.
:D
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
SPACE





hersey

Day19

it was great last night except for the part
where Jeffrey's drunk. haha.
opsie. yeah. I love Samshine
more than anything.
Well well well,
I've been eating lots these days
It's time for me to get a beautiful abs.
:D
and, I'm gonna start work next week as well.
Dammmmmn nervous weii.
Haha.
wish me luck. wish me luck.


hersey
p/s: i broke my ckone summer while carrying jeffrey last night.
sob.next target would be Givenchy :D:D:D
or Keavie could you please get me one from the airport? haha.

Day18
Yay. Yay. Yay.
He's coming back earlier.
beautiful morning. I can hear birds singing.
and beautiful message tone woke me up.
with brilliant words from amazing people :D
Alright fine. im still sleepy.
Yeah. I followed Jeffrey to spinning class yesterday.

haha.
well-o-well.
We cancelled our karaoke plan.
changed it to today.
Watched Get Smart.
Pretty funny.
and I crave for the basketball.
alright, basketball later then
:D



hersey

Day17
me-tired of waiting already.
At times my mind kept on thinking
If I am willing to flirt around
how many guys I will end up with right now?
Hmph..
it's just 17 days but my feelings is fading slowly.
Anyways, I've been home alone yesterday
till Jeffrey came back in the middle of the night
Haha. Dj Jeffrey. opssie :P
my savior.
&today's plan..
MOVIESSS :D



hersey

Day16
He told me about his ex and all that.
I mean why would you wanna talk to her at the first place?
well its fine. I'm still talking to Butterbun still.
The past always haunt people.
Its just like Jeffrey and Alice.
broke up but still liking each other.
don't wanna get back
because of dignity.
What is all this?
Sigh.
Samshine, I hope I could trust you.
Whatever it is, just get your ass back here
and lets figure things out.
:)



hersey